How your mindset is probably losing you money (And some tips to change that)
I’m not a professional mindset coach. Or a coach. Or sometimes even a professional.
Well, I’m definitely not a mindset coach at least. Let’s just get that out of the way right here at the start. Anything I say from here on out is completely based on my own personal experiences, which may (or may not) vary from yours.
With that said though, have you ever wanted something really bad, and worked really hard to get it, but felt like it never really got any closer?
Like you were plateaued and being held back by some invisible force that just wouldn’t let you up those last few steps no matter what you tried?
That’s how I felt about my business for a while. Particularly my income.
Every year I would set totally reasonable goals, and every year I would fall short.
Even weirder, I would hit almost the same number year after year it felt like.
But after spending the last year digging into my own mindset around money and abundance, I’m finally starting to make positive changes.
I started early last year by investing in Denise Duffield-Thomas’ Money Bootcamp and Sacred Money Archetypes classes. I had just finished working with my first business coach - who helped me uplevel everything around my business a bit - and I had begun to notice that some of my beliefs about money ran counter to what I actually wanted.
I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, I just knew there had to be something keeping me from being able to make more than the bare minimum I needed to get by every year, and I figured mindset work was as good a place as any to start.
Denise’s classes helped me in a couple of ways - first, I was able to identify limiting beliefs I was holding around money (more on that in a second).
The second thing they helped me do was understand my own personality more when it comes to how I related to work, money, spending, saving, etc. This was in the Sacred Money Archetypes class, if you’re curious, and was super helpful for understanding my particular money personality so I could identify when I was doing something self-sabotagey, like jumping from one business idea to another.
Just by bringing some awareness to these traits I was able to start taking small steps to correct my limiting belief and raise my income by 30% from last year.
I’m still not quite where I want to be financially, but now I have an idea of what I need to do to get there, and a plan to do it in a way that’s more sustainable for my personality.
Here’s a few of the insanely important lessons I’ve learned about money in 2018...
A lot (most) of us have hidden money beliefs that actually keep us from winning with money.
These are things that we learned about money when we were young. Lessons we picked up from watching the people around us, or maybe even one random comment that stuck in our brains like “We can’t have nice things” or “You always have to work hard to still not have enough”.
We all have these lessons buried in our subconscious somewhere. Things we believe to be true about money, business, love, life, and the way the world works.
They affect how we view the world, the opportunities we go for, the actions we take.
These are beliefs that feel completely true to us, but often if we bring them to the surface and question them they start to break down.
Like… do you really have to work hard to make money? Because that’s not a universal truth, not everyone who has money had to work hard to get it. It may just be what you’ve heard people say and taken as truth.
Another money belief that could be holding you back could be in how you feel about people who actually have money. Do you see them as somehow bad or shady because they’re wealthy?
Some of our buried lessons may very well be healthy and good, but I bet the majority of us have beliefs that are false and are holding us back from something, and those should definitely be questioned. Just noticing they’re there is a great start.
Women especially have a tenuous history with money in a lot of families.
This absolutely depends on a bunch of things, like your part of the world, where your ancestors came from, and how money has been handled (or mishandled) in your family tree.
But in general, women haven’t had the best historical relationship with money. We’ve been told we can’t control it, can’t be trusted with it, paid less of it, and been treated as less than when we weren’t the ones making it.
This is obviously x1000 for many women of color and marginalized groups.
For all of us, it’s harder to imagine the possibilities when you don’t see them around you, and until recently it appeared to be particularly “unbecoming” for a woman to talk about making a lot of money, or about money at all.
You can do all the right things and still be sabotaged by your beliefs.
This was the reason I even started looking at my mindset to begin with. I felt like I was doing a lot of things right and felt like there had to be a deeper reason for not making the progress I wanted.
You can be doing everything right, but if somewhere deep in your brain you don’t truly feel like you deserve to make more or charge enough for your services - you won’t.
And by the way, this isn’t about making a million dollars. If you want to make a million dollars, absolutely go for it. But this mindset work is important if you just want to make enough to comfortably pay all your bills and go out for dinner without checking the bank account. It’s important if your main goal is to stay home with your babies and run an Etsy shop.
Being financially free looks different for everyone, but noticing and getting rid of your money blocks is work that can potentially change generations.
So how do you go about starting this work? Here’s a few quick tips.
Notice what you believe you can’t have or be. Question those beliefs. Ask yourself why you believe that way, look back and see if you can trace the belief to something that was said to you or that you saw growing up. Look at your beliefs from where you are today and ask if they make sense or are holding you back.
Don’t beat yourself up about it. Start practicing forgiveness. Forgive people for telling you what you can or can’t be. Forgive bad examples. Forgive your childhood. Forgive your exes. Let that shit go and forgive where you can.
Look back at your family’s history with money and understand where you’re starting. This is huge, and not immediately obvious sometimes. Has your family historically gone to college? Been high wage earners? Entrepreneurs? Poor money managers? Remember you aren’t starting from scratch here - your life is built on the lives of those who came before you, and being aware of that gives you the advantage of being able to learn from others’ mistakes or successes.
Learn about money mindset from reputable teachers. There are lots of people talking about money, and lots of people talking about mindset, and they’re not all going to appeal to you. I’ve enjoyed learning about mindset from Denise Duffield-Thomas and Jen Sincero, but they aren’t the only people I follow. Seek out teachers that resonate with you, and be wary of anyone promising you a magic fix - those don’t actually exist.
How much attention do you pay to your mindset? Is this something you intentionally work on, or something you don’t give much thought? Tell me in the comments!